


To Want

by relic_amaranth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Destiel - Mentioned, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Reader-Insert, Sabriel - mentioned, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 20:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13578024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/relic_amaranth/pseuds/relic_amaranth
Summary: The apocalypse has ended and you feel like a fifth wheel. You figure it’s time to move on.





	To Want

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been going off and on with this piece for a while and figure it’s as ready to post as it’s ever going to be. So have some post S5 apocalypse canon-diverged fluff. Sappy ending! I do love my sappy endings. Cross-posted to Tumblr.

You breathe and watch your exhalations float away in a cloud of white. The bench you’re sitting on is right next to a streetlamp and you feel oddly exposed. It doesn’t matter– shouldn’t matter. The corrupted black dog that has been terrorizing the town is gone and you can handle most humans. The urge to hide is almost instinctive by now, though, so you shift and try to settle onto cold stone and sip your coffee before it freezes over.

You can fight the urge to hide. The urge to run, though, is something else.

It’s been months since the apocalypse. Since Stull, since Sam grabbed hold of Michael and squashed the devil and dove into Hell. Since Gabriel made a triumphant return thanks to the big G and appeared in a nearby tree, dangling Sam by his ankle and saying “Lose something?”

Sam and Dean and Castiel are okay. Gabriel is alive and well. Your problems should be nonexistent. And yet, you don’t really know where to go from here.

Watching Dean and Cas fall into each other’s arms was a slow and frustrating process, even _after_ they both seemed to acknowledge something was there. Watching Sam and Gabe do the same was surprising, almost dizzying, but both couples are pretty equally happy and you don’t begrudge any of them that. They’ve all gone through so much they deserve nothing but happiness.

They’re not the problem. You’re pretty sure the problem is you. No one else has said it, but you know that has to be the case. So you sit on a park bench on a cold night and wonder what you’re going to do, now, and how you’re going to leave your friends without them following you. You don’t know what would be worse– them trying to follow, or them not trying at all.

Someone calls your name and you jolt out of your thoughts. You see a familiar man walking up to you, but it can’t be…

“Chuck?” You actually rub your eyes and no, he’s not a hallucination of your tired mind. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“Um, nothing. Nothing specific, anyways.” He sits down next to you and hunches over, keeping his hands in his pockets “After the apocalypse the visions died down. A _lot_. So I decided maybe I was off the hook, and after something like that…I don’t know; I just decided I wanted to go see the world we almost lost.” He smiles sheepishly. “So, here I am, just passing through, but I admit I sort of…felt a ‘pull’ over this way. What are you doing here? Is anything– uh– there’s nothing eating people here, is there?”

“Not anymore,” you say, trying to smile reassuringly. “Traveling, huh? That sounds like a really good idea. How’s…um, is Becky with you?”

You’re ready to call Sam with a code red when Chuck lets out a little laugh and shakes his head. “We, uh, we broke up.”

“Oh.” That’s actually a relief, but you’re tactful enough not to show it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We– we just weren’t right, you know?” He chuckles and brings his gloved hands out to rub them together. “I’m not exactly a prince and she’s…intense.”

“True. She seems good enough though.” You sigh. She is intense, but… “We all cling to whatever we need to get by.”

Chuck’s quiet for a few moments. “Sounds like you can really relate.”

You let out a little “heh” and lean back. “I’m finding out just how hard I can cling when I know I should let go.” Something in your chest clenches and you put your hand over it. “Knowing what I _should_ do doesn’t make it easier, though.”

Chuck puts a timid hand on yours. “How do you know you should, then?”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

“You don’t sound like you believe that.”

“I will.”

Chuck says your name a little desperately and you watch his expression change to something pained. It confuses you until he says, “You’re…kind of scaring me right now. What’s the ‘right thing’ that you’re talking about?”

You shake your head. “Nothing that bad, Chuck. Don’t worry. I’m just…” You look at the sky, like it can help. “I need to leave, and it’s bumming me out. Cas and Sam and Gabe and Dean…I’m gonna miss them.”

“What? But everything I see makes it look like you guys fit so good together.” He squeezes your hand. “Did something happen? Did they ask you to leave?”

“No. They’re too good to me,” you say and look down. “I just know when I need to bow out and…Sam has Gabe, and Dean has Cas. They have two angels on call. They don’t need me hanging around, gumming up the works. It’s been a long time coming. Even before, Sam and Dean are real good hunters. They don’t need me. They never really did.”

“That’s not true.”

You snap your head up so fast it hurts, but you can only absently rub your neck when you find yourself staring at Castiel, Dean, Gabriel and Sam. Cas cants his head to one side and Sam comes to sit next to you, where Chuck–

–where Chuck _was_. You blink in surprise but the conversation at hand has you more nervous than the fact that the prophet of God has just vanished without your friends or their angels being at all concerned. That says something about your life that you’re not really ready to unpack. That says something about _Chuck_ that you’re not really ready to unpack.

“Why would you think we don’t need you?” Sam asks, all care and concern. Gabriel is perched on the back of the bench just off to the side of Sam’s other shoulder. Someone half-sits on the armrest on your other side– Dean, you confirm with a look, with Cas right behind him. They all fit so well together, and yet…and yet you feel like you fit right with them.

But that’s wishful thinking; it _must_ be, and you steel your nerves because one way or another this conversation has to happen, and maybe it’s a good thing it’s happening now. At least you won't be able to keep stalling.

“You guys, you’re all…” You wave your hands but nobody seems to get it. Fair. You’re trying to explain it but you’re not sure you can. “You’ve got each other. You’re all good together. Sam and Dean– you’re two of the best hunters around, and now you have your angels. You don’t need me dragging you down.”

“That’s dumb.”

You look at Gabriel, as does Sam, and by the way the archangel looks behind you, apparently Dean and Cas do the same. “What?” he asks, defensively. “It is!”

Sam rolls his eyes and turns back to you. “What Gabriel means is, of _course_ we need you.”

“Now perhaps even more than ever,” Cas says.

That catches your attention and you look at the angel. He stares back, unflinching. “Heaven is in a state of chaos that Gabriel and I must try to help settle. We will be back whenever we can, but for the time being, we are needed elsewhere.”

“And a lot of things got stirred up in the almost-end-of-days,” Gabriel says, leaning back and defying gravity, as he does.

“We’re getting more tips all the time,” Sam says. “There’s probably more work for hunters than there ever has been.”

“And fewer hunters to deal with it,” Dean says grimly. He grips your shoulder and you look at him, surprised by the contact. “And even if we didn’t _need_ you…so what? Isn't it enough that we _want_ you around?”

You swallow. Protests, excuses, maybe tears; you’re not sure what. But you can’t find it in yourself to argue. Especially if Gabriel and Castiel are arguing for you to stay even when they aren’t– they must trust you to take care of Dean and Sam. And that’s enough for you.

“I guess someone has to be around to keep you two idiots from getting yourselves killed,” you say. Dean rolls his eyes and Sam snorts. Castiel smiles and Gabriel grins.

“That’s the spirit!” Gabriel hops off the bench and Sam stands. “Now can we get going before my ass literally becomes a block of ice?”

Dean scoffs as they begin to walk over to where the car is parked on the side of the road. “Your ass is not going to become a– oh, that’s cheating!”

They fade out, arguing and laughing, and you look around for Chuck only to realize Cas is still there. “What are you looking for?” he asks and looks for himself.

“Uh…” You hold up your coffee cup. “Trashcan.” Luckily there is one of those. “I’ll be right there, okay?”

Cas nods and goes after the group, while you walk in the opposite direction to a trashcan set next to a nearby tree. You take a moment to breathe, because given how gung-ho Sam and Dean sound about getting back to work, it’s probably going to be the last chance you have to do so for a while. You smile. You can’t wait.

Turning to go to the car, you can see a distant figure down the path, just standing there. You give a little wave. “Thanks, Chuck.”

The figure waves back, and disappears. You walk towards the Impala and then start to run when Dean honks impatiently.

You’ve got work to do.


End file.
